hume

HUME

That one word used to get me so incredibly stoked. The first year I attended the junior high camp (Meadow Ranch), I did as much research on the place as I possibly could. I checked weekly, sometimes daily, for them to announce the next year's theme. I counted down the days until we could simply begin registration for camp. I packed my cutest clothes meticulously. I was ready. I was pumped.


(i feel so hipster for using a photo app... oh well. Our lead counselor Jenae makes a nice little cameo at the bottom)

As the years went by, my infatuation for Hume became less about the honeymoon-excitement phase and morphed into a consistent love. I had times of turmoil and peace, apathy and fire, nearness and disconnectedness. Hume has been there for me.

This week was the most challenging week of camp I've ever been to. God has slowly revealed over the past month and a half the extent of my selfishness, insecurity, and idolatry. It is at a vastness I never thought possible. Being up at Hume as a counselor for the first time was intensely challenging, especially coupled with the lack of alone time I got. I still can't believe that God gave me and Cori the responsibility to care for nine girls, especially with the issues I had. I know that He is good and that He loves me, but this week I felt disconnected from and therefore bitter towards my friends and from God. Talks with my lead counselor, fellow cabin counselor, and a wise woman named Amy each worked on me in different ways. Jenae helped me realize that counseling is hard and that I can find comfort in prayer. Cori listened to me while I cried shared all the bitterness I had kept inside for the past month and a half, and Amy was able to tell me the problem straight up in God's timing and advise a way to work through it.

While camp was ridiculous for me this week, I can see how God used the women around me to help me come to some difficult, stark truths, each serving where I needed without having to be asked. I love that. I love the way God coordinates his timing to be perfect. I am learning how to give him everything and not clasp onto any strongholds that lay in the way of Him and I having the closest relationship we can. He loves me. He really does. And He will pull me through whatever situations arise. No more hiding.

There's no point in making a resolution without practical steps on how it can be accomplished. I want to be transparent with my Lord. My first goal is to find an accountability partner that I can confess my sins while they do the same, so that we can both push each other towards Christ. Then I want to take Marco's words to heart:

-to say that JESUS is the reason I don't do certain things, not my morals, ethics, or whatever sorry excuse I come up with.
-that I will slowly but surely make Jesus out to be a liar if I continue to profess that I am a Christian but still live life in the world.
-That I should set the boundaries for the behavior I will accept or tolerate. If I don't make that decision, someone else will and it won't be positive.

I don't want to live my life as lukewarm, believing that my actions don't have consequences and that I'm somehow content in not improving this relationship. Being content scares me because Jesus is everything. I want him to be everything to me. I pray the Lord will be transforming my heart and mind for him, so that I can love passionately and speak boldly about him and what he is doing.

Please pray for me as I restart this journey :)