Christ is Everywhere

"Christ be with me,

Christ within me,

Christ behind me,

Christ before me,

Christ beside me,

Christ to win me,

Christ to comfort and restore me."

- St. Patrick

(Thanks Jon Acuff!)

hume

HUME

That one word used to get me so incredibly stoked. The first year I attended the junior high camp (Meadow Ranch), I did as much research on the place as I possibly could. I checked weekly, sometimes daily, for them to announce the next year's theme. I counted down the days until we could simply begin registration for camp. I packed my cutest clothes meticulously. I was ready. I was pumped.


(i feel so hipster for using a photo app... oh well. Our lead counselor Jenae makes a nice little cameo at the bottom)

As the years went by, my infatuation for Hume became less about the honeymoon-excitement phase and morphed into a consistent love. I had times of turmoil and peace, apathy and fire, nearness and disconnectedness. Hume has been there for me.

This week was the most challenging week of camp I've ever been to. God has slowly revealed over the past month and a half the extent of my selfishness, insecurity, and idolatry. It is at a vastness I never thought possible. Being up at Hume as a counselor for the first time was intensely challenging, especially coupled with the lack of alone time I got. I still can't believe that God gave me and Cori the responsibility to care for nine girls, especially with the issues I had. I know that He is good and that He loves me, but this week I felt disconnected from and therefore bitter towards my friends and from God. Talks with my lead counselor, fellow cabin counselor, and a wise woman named Amy each worked on me in different ways. Jenae helped me realize that counseling is hard and that I can find comfort in prayer. Cori listened to me while I cried shared all the bitterness I had kept inside for the past month and a half, and Amy was able to tell me the problem straight up in God's timing and advise a way to work through it.

While camp was ridiculous for me this week, I can see how God used the women around me to help me come to some difficult, stark truths, each serving where I needed without having to be asked. I love that. I love the way God coordinates his timing to be perfect. I am learning how to give him everything and not clasp onto any strongholds that lay in the way of Him and I having the closest relationship we can. He loves me. He really does. And He will pull me through whatever situations arise. No more hiding.

There's no point in making a resolution without practical steps on how it can be accomplished. I want to be transparent with my Lord. My first goal is to find an accountability partner that I can confess my sins while they do the same, so that we can both push each other towards Christ. Then I want to take Marco's words to heart:

-to say that JESUS is the reason I don't do certain things, not my morals, ethics, or whatever sorry excuse I come up with.
-that I will slowly but surely make Jesus out to be a liar if I continue to profess that I am a Christian but still live life in the world.
-That I should set the boundaries for the behavior I will accept or tolerate. If I don't make that decision, someone else will and it won't be positive.

I don't want to live my life as lukewarm, believing that my actions don't have consequences and that I'm somehow content in not improving this relationship. Being content scares me because Jesus is everything. I want him to be everything to me. I pray the Lord will be transforming my heart and mind for him, so that I can love passionately and speak boldly about him and what he is doing.

Please pray for me as I restart this journey :)

hey now

Hey now,
this is my desire
consume me like a fire
'cause I just want
something beautiful to touch me

I know that i'm in reach
'cause I am down on my knees
I'm waiting for something beautiful
oh, oh, oh
something beautiful

- needtobreathe

When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?
- Psalm 8:3-4


thank you God for being everywhere and being in everything. thank you for cherishing me and adopting me as your own. i love how small i feel when i look to you, or when i sense you where the cliffs meet the sea or in the heavens above. i love that you have made a special place in your heart for me. when i look at the stars at night or the sunrise in the mornings out the window above my bed, i am reminded of your grace and beauty. thank you.

this is a world of dreams and revery

my blog's title is "this is a world of dreams and revery". the song that this line comes from is about whimsy and wonder at the daydreams and reveries that we live in as humans. there is something in us that wants more, something that dreams, hopes, muses, and wishes for something grand that's out there. for me, this implies the need for optimistic outlook (which i am not very good at having), faith, and imagination. i want my blog to reflect that. i want to be so much more than i am. i want to be someone who doesn't dwell in the darkest moments of the human condition, but instead rejoices in the hope of a new day in Christ. i want to be able to look past all the sin and broken-heartedness here and focus on the positive impact i can make HERE and NOW for my Savior. I suppose a lot of that comes from the need to really focus on him only, which i have not really been making an effort with.

if anyone comes across this blog, pray for me in these areas. pray the Lord helps me to see the joy and wonder in this life. pray that my eyes are opened to his goodness and grace, and pray that i'll daily find and meet with him. these are crazy times, friends. we need each other more than ever.

found this today, what an encouragement!

61 ways to build your optimism

1. Be realistic about your expectations.
2. Accept the past, manage the present and work hard towards the future.
3. Seek for a ray of light/hope in a negative situation. It’s a bit difficult considering all you are going through, but there’s always an opportunity lurking somewhere in the dark.
4. Utilize what you have for now and aspire to grow in every area of your life, remembering you can only swallow food in bits and pieces before taking another big bite.
5. Be authentic, be yourself and stop hiding behind the MASK of pretence.
6. Get infected by being in a network or company of constructive people, because optimism is positively contagious.
7. Have a dream, believe in it and do everything possible under the sun to run with it.
8. Accept you are human with imperfections.
9. Express love towards other people.
10. Be selective of what you read, hear or watch from the media. Excessive media influence could dampen your spirits.
11. Develop the habit of using positive affirmations constructively.
12. Listen to music. It has the ability to make your mind wander a bit. Come on!!! dance to the groove; sing even if it won’t get you auditioned for XFACTOR.
13. Exercise regularly. Taking care of your body mind and soul builds courage and resilience to face the pressures of the world.
14. Avoid living in self denial.
15. Try as much as you can to stay calm when overwhelmed with the issues of life.
16. Be thankful for everything you have, who you are, the people around you…..
17. Develop a sense of humour. Cultivate the habit of laughing or cracking jokes.
18. Spoil yourself and make sure you enjoy doing so. Go on vacations, get a massage, eat out……..
19. Improve yourself at the slightest opportunity you have. Your capacity to succeed in life will depend on your personal drive to take each opportunity as stepping stones to fulfilling your life long dream.
20. Be gracious enough to accept things you cannot change. There will always be things you cannot change no matter how hard you work at it.
21. Reflect and focus on the good things that have occurred in your life.
22. Create a positive attitude.
23. Don’t harbour any form of resentment particularly with issues from the past.
24. Know when to call it quits. Some things aren’t just worth the effort and time you put into it.
25. Occupy yourself with things that bring out the best in you i.e. family, children,friends, travelling, reading etc
26. Focus on creating solutions and not drowning in problems.
27. Be a positive role model to your children, friends, family etc. Be a source of inspiration to people who look up to you.
28. Be good at your job demonstrating your useful skills.
29. Have a hobby to keep you occupied. It could be a form of sport, reading, writing etc.
30. Improve your physical appearance when necessary.
31. Get some rest because it is required to put things in perspective.
32. Learn something new in order increase your knowledge.
33. Be passionate. Embrace life and everything it stands for with love and passion.
34. Show persistence in all your endeavours because it’s one of the keys to happiness.
35. Worry less because it reduces the level of your anxiety..
36. Celebrate the successes of other.
37. Be determined and motivated to excel in all you’ve set out to do.
38. Learn to try out new things.
39. Maximize your success and give attention to your failures remembering that failures are learning experiences that yield positive results if handled properly.
40. Set a goal so that you will have something to look forward to when the going gets rough.
41. Practice the habit of forgiveness.
42. Avoid clutter. Be organized not only with your things but also with your thoughts and your plans.
43. Create a positive environment in your home or office.
44. Read several motivational stories, blogs,quotes….
45. Think positively about who you are.
46. Develop a strong ambition.
47. Visualize happy thoughts. Imagine a picture in your mind what you want to achieve and how you can achieve them. Oftentimes, what you create in your thoughts give birth to what happens in reality.
48. Walk tall, with your head high up exhibiting confidence.
49. Smile as often as you can. It has a way of showing your sincerity.
50. Have a blend of optimism in the way you pick, choose and say your words.
51. Spend some time taking stock of all the influences in your life. This includes friends, family, television shows, magazines, blogs, etc. Thinks about which aspects of your life motivate you and push you to live positively for yourself. Think about those aspects that pull you down and drain you of your positive energy. Spend less time around the negative influences and more time around the positive!
52. Set aside more time for yourself where you can be alone. Sometimes it is easy to become depressed and grumpy when you give all of your energy to others. Having scheduled “you” time will guarantee that you will be able to pamper yourself and participate in your favorite hobbies.
53. Try changing your perspective about situations. Sometimes that is all it takes to turn a crummy day around. I try very hard to find something positive that will come out of the crappy things that daily life deals us. It doesn’t always happen naturally, but it gets easier when you push yourself to see the good in life.
54. Have friends and family in your life who can cheer you up and encourage you to be positive when you fall down. It’s inevitable that you will have a bad day, stress attack, or an emotional melt down in the future. It happens. The difference between you and a negative person is that you have the courage to get back up and keep going. We all need to be reminded that life really can be amazing if we take the time to see things positively.
55. Fill your space with reminders of how wonderful your life is. Write your favorite encouraging quotes on colorful post-its and paste them around your home.
56. Write letters and cards to your close friends and family with positive wishes and joyful greetings! Spreading positivity helps you feel positive in general!
57. Encourage the people in your life who take on pessimistic attitudes to be more positive. If those people are not willing to hear you out, limit your time around them. Negativity is very draining and you can only be around it for so long before it takes over.
58. Get excited about the little things that make you happy!
59. If you are feeling down and depressed, own your feelings. Don’t deny that you are grumpy. Accept that you aren’t feeling 100% and give yourself time to just be.
60. De-clutter your life! Get rid of things that you don’t love, things that you never use, and things that aren’t sentimental to you. Clutter can weigh you down and fill your life with unnecessary negative energy ! Make room for new things that you adore!
61. Channel your inner child every so often. Do things that the child within you would love! Blow bubbles, ride the merry-go-round, drink chocolate milk, play hop scotch, color, take photos of random objects, play dress-up, etc.

i'll at a number 62, which should be number 1... seek God first, focus on others second, and think about yourself third.

thankful

sometimes it feels like my life is so out of control. i feel constantly busy and overwhelmed. i have class every morning, i nanny in the afternoons, and at night i'm either at church, doing homework, trying to relax, or hanging out with friends. these things are all such blessings, but it's tiring!

once i was out of school today, my best friend hannah and i took a trip over the hill to santa cruz in order to do one of her school assignments. we got to walk around this farm that is completely self sustaining, take some pictures, eat some ice cream at marianne's (where else?!), and then we came home to watch hot rod and eat some dinner before we went to cafe lift (essentially a weekly talent show outreach), where she was going to sing with our friend kenzie.

even though i am often so tired and irritated by the constant busyness, today was a real treat with my girl friends. i feel like i don't get to see them enough. but friendship is such a God-given blessing. i learn so much from these women about faithfulness and serving selflessly, not to mention the fact that they are all incredibly witty and funny (i'm the only one who isn't. haha).

i think friends and family is what i am most thankful for this year. God has grown me in so many different branches of my life, and has used friends as conduits for nearly all of these changes. i am so thankful for the constant reassurance that God has placed me where i am at for a reason, and that my purpose is to love and serve people without any agenda. how freeing is that? even when i am at my wit's end trying to keep my responsibilites in order and still get some 'me' time, God shows me how powerful he is.

Thank you Jesus for all that you continuously give me. thank you for friends and family to share my life with.

I like this verse:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

- Lamentations 3:22-24

dear blog, i would like to start using you

"Jealousy is the thought or feeling that you are replaceable"-unknown

I found this quote just now on a friend's facebook profile. I tried googling it but it came up with zero results, leading me to believe that it is a quote that he heard from a family member or friend. Despite it's obscurity, I found that I connected with it on a deep level.

I'm not the prettiest girl around. I'm not the funniest, nor the smartest, or even the kindest. Within my circles of friends, I would have to say I am "perfectly adequate", to quote (500) days of summer (my favorite movie). Because of this knowledge, my self-worth and confidence is relatively average or low for the most part. I struggle with being overweight, with having acne, and with having many feelings of ineptitude and shortcoming.

Most of my best friends are incredibly spiritual people who are talented in many areas. They are humorous, musical, loving, passionate, and loyal. They have this faith in God that I admire so deeply since I deal with doubt so frequently. This is the area I tend to struggle with jealously the most.

I tend to worry that my friends will suddenly decide I'm not funny enough, or pretty enough, or kind enough, or (and this is my worst fear) that I'm not spiritual enough to be of use to them. It's a terrifying place to be when you feel replaceable. I worry that they will make these new 'awesome' and 'spiritual' friends and will eventually turn from me because I am just not meeting their emotional needs anymore since they have better friends too that now. And when you're "perfectly adequate" in every way, it's hard to feel like you can stand out and really shine for them. I like loving and serving my friends. I'm not perfect at it of course, but I enjoy it and I'm thankful for the God-given opportunity to help others.

I think this is a rather hard place to be, seeing as its very possible I could lose my friends in an instant if God chooses. I dated someone once who had asked God, on the night before a missions trip, to take away all distractions so he could focus solely on the Lord. It happened. He lost me, his friends, and felt alienated by people. This story encourages me because it led to a wider appreciation and understanding of God, but it scares me as well because I desperately do not want this to occur.

I don't want to be replaceable in anyone's eyes. I believe I feel this way because my self-value is so low. The more I point myself to God, the more I am reassured of his perfecting love and his abounding grace, and the more I realize my identity belongs to him alone. I liken it to a solar system, where he is the Son (pun intended ;) ) and I am a planet that swirls and twirls around him. My orbit is not consistent or without it's share of mistakes and sin by any means, but that comparison reminds me that I dance around him because he is the only constant. He doesn't change. He is so faithful when I am not. It reminds me that I am not simply replaceable. I have value and a purpose, of which is to be to love and to serve others for all of my life.

People will undoubtedly replace me in the future. It's bound to happen. But I know that my savior will not. He is constantly loving me and correcting me. As long as I continue to dance around him, he will continually reveal himself to me. And because of this, I never need to feel jealousy at a new person being introduced to the group or feel fear at being left behind for a 'better version'. He will provide me with all that I need and more. He sacrificed for me, and he will take care of me. And, let's be honest, if he loved me enough to die for my sins, why on earth would he give me up? ;)