thankful

sometimes it feels like my life is so out of control. i feel constantly busy and overwhelmed. i have class every morning, i nanny in the afternoons, and at night i'm either at church, doing homework, trying to relax, or hanging out with friends. these things are all such blessings, but it's tiring!

once i was out of school today, my best friend hannah and i took a trip over the hill to santa cruz in order to do one of her school assignments. we got to walk around this farm that is completely self sustaining, take some pictures, eat some ice cream at marianne's (where else?!), and then we came home to watch hot rod and eat some dinner before we went to cafe lift (essentially a weekly talent show outreach), where she was going to sing with our friend kenzie.

even though i am often so tired and irritated by the constant busyness, today was a real treat with my girl friends. i feel like i don't get to see them enough. but friendship is such a God-given blessing. i learn so much from these women about faithfulness and serving selflessly, not to mention the fact that they are all incredibly witty and funny (i'm the only one who isn't. haha).

i think friends and family is what i am most thankful for this year. God has grown me in so many different branches of my life, and has used friends as conduits for nearly all of these changes. i am so thankful for the constant reassurance that God has placed me where i am at for a reason, and that my purpose is to love and serve people without any agenda. how freeing is that? even when i am at my wit's end trying to keep my responsibilites in order and still get some 'me' time, God shows me how powerful he is.

Thank you Jesus for all that you continuously give me. thank you for friends and family to share my life with.

I like this verse:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

- Lamentations 3:22-24

DIY cd booklet

got the idea and tutorial from this lovely lady and changed a few things.

i love making mix cds for people i know, but i never have cd cases to put them in when i give them away. this seemed like the perfect answer to my dilemma!

i followed her instructions pretty closely, but i changed a few minor things. first off, she recommends the use of tape to close the edges down on the sides. on hers, it fits perfectly, but for mine i decided to use more of the scrapbook paper instead. i like the effect better, and i was making this at 2 am so i couldn't just go rummaging around, looking for tape. haha.

i also wanted a way to wrap the ribbon around the case so that cds wouldn't fall out. the lady's tutorial had her wrapping a few layers around her case, but i have had this fascination/obsession with buttons lately, so i wanted to find a way to implement it.

i used gold/cream colored wire, looped it through the button a few time, and then poked a hole through the the scrapbook paper and then glued and taped it up on the inside. this way i could wrap the ribbon around the button a few times so that the cd case would stay 'closed'. i added the cute name plate, and on the back taped and glued the ribbon on with a sticker with my creative initials on them.

now all that's left to do is to reinforce the edges a little bit and to make the actual cd for ashlyn!

i'm pretty happy with it, it's one of my first real crafts :)

we have practically the same blog name, but she is way more talented than me!

it's friday

This girl I follow on here does this thing every friday where she lists "what she is loving this week". I think this is an awesome idea, so I'm going to start using it :)

1. sweet, happy photos like these:


2. restoring an old, antique window i got at the flea market for ten bucks!

3. the fact that i could very well take the leap into a dslr camera this week! i'm going to take classes at my college next quarter on how to use it!

4. my cuddly kitty is extra cuddly tonight.

5. the fact that i'm actually kind of a blogger now. my tumblr is fun, but i only really reblog things, i never write my own stuff.

6. i have been sick for three days, and i missed a major test but my teacher is letting me retake it on monday!

7. i just discovered pandora. it's incredible.

8. i'm going to be doing some sewing and creating of headbands, some more restoring of the old window, some painting of photo frames, some making of cd booklets, and some chandelier shopping this week =)

9. my best friends are really incredible people

10. i am loving blog stalking other people. everyone has such awesome ideas!


well... that's all for now :)

dear blog, i would like to start using you

"Jealousy is the thought or feeling that you are replaceable"-unknown

I found this quote just now on a friend's facebook profile. I tried googling it but it came up with zero results, leading me to believe that it is a quote that he heard from a family member or friend. Despite it's obscurity, I found that I connected with it on a deep level.

I'm not the prettiest girl around. I'm not the funniest, nor the smartest, or even the kindest. Within my circles of friends, I would have to say I am "perfectly adequate", to quote (500) days of summer (my favorite movie). Because of this knowledge, my self-worth and confidence is relatively average or low for the most part. I struggle with being overweight, with having acne, and with having many feelings of ineptitude and shortcoming.

Most of my best friends are incredibly spiritual people who are talented in many areas. They are humorous, musical, loving, passionate, and loyal. They have this faith in God that I admire so deeply since I deal with doubt so frequently. This is the area I tend to struggle with jealously the most.

I tend to worry that my friends will suddenly decide I'm not funny enough, or pretty enough, or kind enough, or (and this is my worst fear) that I'm not spiritual enough to be of use to them. It's a terrifying place to be when you feel replaceable. I worry that they will make these new 'awesome' and 'spiritual' friends and will eventually turn from me because I am just not meeting their emotional needs anymore since they have better friends too that now. And when you're "perfectly adequate" in every way, it's hard to feel like you can stand out and really shine for them. I like loving and serving my friends. I'm not perfect at it of course, but I enjoy it and I'm thankful for the God-given opportunity to help others.

I think this is a rather hard place to be, seeing as its very possible I could lose my friends in an instant if God chooses. I dated someone once who had asked God, on the night before a missions trip, to take away all distractions so he could focus solely on the Lord. It happened. He lost me, his friends, and felt alienated by people. This story encourages me because it led to a wider appreciation and understanding of God, but it scares me as well because I desperately do not want this to occur.

I don't want to be replaceable in anyone's eyes. I believe I feel this way because my self-value is so low. The more I point myself to God, the more I am reassured of his perfecting love and his abounding grace, and the more I realize my identity belongs to him alone. I liken it to a solar system, where he is the Son (pun intended ;) ) and I am a planet that swirls and twirls around him. My orbit is not consistent or without it's share of mistakes and sin by any means, but that comparison reminds me that I dance around him because he is the only constant. He doesn't change. He is so faithful when I am not. It reminds me that I am not simply replaceable. I have value and a purpose, of which is to be to love and to serve others for all of my life.

People will undoubtedly replace me in the future. It's bound to happen. But I know that my savior will not. He is constantly loving me and correcting me. As long as I continue to dance around him, he will continually reveal himself to me. And because of this, I never need to feel jealousy at a new person being introduced to the group or feel fear at being left behind for a 'better version'. He will provide me with all that I need and more. He sacrificed for me, and he will take care of me. And, let's be honest, if he loved me enough to die for my sins, why on earth would he give me up? ;)